Cowboy Read online

  Ryder’s house was magnificent; it was built overlooking the entire Harris Ranch with views for miles in all directions. It was a chalet, like he pulled it out of a mountain ski village. It had a high peaked roof and was post and beam construction. The entire front of it was constructed entirely of windows, and the surrounding yard was beautifully landscaped.

  I couldn’t help myself; I imagined Brittany picking out flowers and planning the gardens and was overcome with jealousy. I should have been the one putting my mark on Ryder’s house and his life, not that nasty little whore.

  I shook off the thought, annoyed at my level of anger, and concentrated on the moment. I couldn’t wait to get inside and see how Ryder lived and find out if there was room for me.

  Ryder

  I couldn’t thank my parents enough for their perfectly choreographed exits from the lunch table. I hadn’t said anything to them beyond getting Alex hired, but I knew they were helping me any way they could.

  I will admit I was a little surprised by this; they had done whatever it took to make Brittany feel unwelcome in their presence and they still seemed a little shaken over what Alex had done to him.

  I wondered what made Alex so different now, why they were so willing to help us spend time together. I didn’t know how my parents would be with any other women; I’d never gotten close enough to anyone else to make it to that step. I was the old love ‘em and leave ‘em king.

  By Wednesday the urge to fuck her was almost overwhelming. I kept staring at her mouth and thinking about her lips wrapped around my hard-on as I worked to hold myself back. I didn’t exactly like this turn of events; my growing attraction was bringing up old feeling of vulnerability and I wasn’t accustomed to being a weak man like that anymore.

  I tried to nip it in the bud and mentioned friendship, but the moment I saw her face fall, I wanted to take her in my arms, stroke her hair and tell her everything was okay.

  I had briefly entertained the idea of breaking her heart, plotting revenge, to make her weep for me as I had so many women now. It was useless, Alex was worming her way back into my heart with each smile, each touch, each amusing story and the way her eyes lit up when she told them.

  I resisted my emotions as long as I could; I even talked about our friendship again and left her with a confused look on her face and sadness in her eyes. I could tell she was struggling to remain composed when I mentioned it, and part of me felt smug that I still had this effect but mostly I felt like a bastard for trying to inflict pain on the woman I wanted to protect.

  Wednesday evening was quiet. I made a quick dinner and settled in front of the TV, putting on some nature show to keep my mind off Alex.

  It didn’t work.

  I went to bed early and spent a couple of hours trying to sleep and not think of her face, her mouth. I just couldn’t get that image of her lips wrapped around my hard dick out of my mind. I wanted to grab her hair in my hands and guide her there, fuck her face until I came deep in her throat, watching her eyes widen with surprise.

  I knew I wouldn’t sleep until I eased this pressure, so I settled back on the pillows and started stroking my cock. I gripped the shaft, sliding my hand up to the sensitive head, feeling the nerve endings just under the rim. I rubbed my hand there, closed my eyes and thought about anything but Alex, is if to exorcise her from my mind.

  She was in my goddamned blood though, and soon her face was haunting my fantasy as I started stroking faster. I thought about her lithe body squirming under me, her eyes dark with lust, her hips thrusting up to pull my cock deeper inside of her.

  She was everywhere I turned inside my own damned mind. I imagined spreading her pussy lips with my fingers, teasing her clit with the head of my dick, and then sliding down into the warmth and wetness in her velvety cunt. I imagined I was thrusting deep, bottoming out in her tight pussy and watching her tense up beneath me as she crashed into climax.

  I was stroking faster now, the familiar feeling of tightness building in the base of my cock, ready for release. I imagined her crying my name softly as she came, and with that image in my head, I shuddered and let myself go.

  I held my cock steady as it twitched, cum forced out the slit on the top, dripping down onto my hand. I was instantly relieved, but my dick stayed hard. I cleaned myself up and realized only one thing was going to help me out here, and that was feeling Alex clench my cock with her pussy and milk me dry.

  That was my only road to release.

  On Thursday I made an effort to knock a few walls down and was kinder to her. I responded more to her flirtations, even falling into easy conversation with her. Alex had always been so gifted at drawing me out and things had not changed in the past few years.

  I surprised myself with how much of my life I shared with her, telling her about my schooling, my business. I wanted her to know me, who I was now. I wasn’t able to acknowledge my undeniable attraction to her quite yet, at least not to her. I had started to feel a little concerned near the end though; it all seemed too easy, too familiar. I considered pulling back when I asked about her return to town. The moment I saw the pain in her eyes, all I wanted to do was pick her up and love her, hold her and make her smile. I was falling for her hard and she already had me wrapped around her little finger.

  It was dangerous territory and left me open to massive pain.

  I decided it might be worth the risk.

  I knew then I had to loosen up and accept the reality I’d been avoiding these past few days. Alex was still my everything and I craved her more than I ever had before.

  I got up to return to work, an emergency call out, when my impulsive, brave side kicked in again as it had when I’d first asked her out. The way that Alex had exclaimed a breathless, “Yes,” and bounded into the house to gather her jacket made me feel pretty good, this chemistry we had wasn’t one sided.

  Lunch had gone so well that I felt the years melt away, it was as though she’d never left, I’d never tried to erase her by sleeping with any little blonde thing in my path, and I’d never married Brittany.

  I didn’t think my parents would ever forgive me for that decision. They had refused to come to the wedding, so it ended up being the two of us with a couple of her friends at the courthouse. Not exactly a stellar start to a bad move on my part.

  I didn’t necessarily regret my marriage as much as I regretted not realizing I could never love Brittany. I should have never led her on by agreeing to the marriage, I was sure to this day that Brittany thought she could draw Alex from my veins and make me forget.

  We hopped in the truck and I had to smile at her obvious enthusiasm. Her face was radiant and I felt flushed with the excitement of their new adventure together. It made my day go by faster than usual, and each call was much more interesting when Alex was by my side.

  I knew people would be talking about us before we even finished the day, but I didn’t care. We actually had to laugh when Alex got a text from Lee at four in the afternoon demanding to know what was going on between her and the town’s most eligible bachelor.

  Alex didn’t reply, she said she’d wait until we knew what was going on before she told anyone, and then she looked sideways at me with a heated glance that made my cock twitch and my hands lose their grip on the wheel. The truck veered to the right for no more than half a second, but Alex laughed and tossed her hair.

  And like that, I was smitten, there was no use denying it any longer.

  After the last vet appointment was over, I just couldn’t let her go. I felt a need to be in her presence now, as though my drought was over and I couldn’t walk away from the rain.

  She had revived feelings in me that I’d thought were long dead, desires and needs that had no place in my life when I was hell bent on leaving her in the past. I had tried many times to erase her with strangers, but I realized now that she had never left me.

  But now my constant aching need was gone and it felt good, I didn’t ever want to let her go.

  I was fas
cinated with her and did anything to keep her talking, she no longer had that faraway look in her eyes that she did as a girl and that intrigued me to no end. She seemed more confident and more genuine, like she wasn’t trying to run or prove anything to anyone anymore. She had come into herself and I needed to give us a chance to see where we could take this.

  Dinner was simple, at a local pub where I knew we’d be seen, and it unnerved me a little. Brittany wasn’t in town at the moment but I did have a nagging worry that she’d go batshit crazy if she found out Alex was back in my life.

  I quickly got over my nerves when I saw men in the pub staring at us, looking Alex up and down and eyeballing me with envy. I wanted to parade Alex around town and shout from the rooftops that she was my woman so keep your fucking hands off her. She brought out that primal need to protect in me.

  Getting back to my house I knew what was going to happen. I could tell by the way Alex scanned the house and grounds that she was jealous, wondering if Brittany had put her touch on things.

  The funny thing was that Brittany hadn’t crossed my mind at all when I’d designed it with my architect. She’d never even lived here.

  I had a head full of Alex with every nail I pounded in, every rose bush I planted… I just hadn’t been able to admit it before now.

  I loved that her face lit up when she saw what I had created… for her. I watched her walk around the great room as I got the fire going, her legs were long and shapely, she held herself with elegance and ease, but I knew she would be even more magnificent if I could get her naked and sweaty.

  My cock ached at the thought of stripping the clothes off her long, lean body and plunging into her heat. I realized I’d let the fire go out as I watched her, went back to my task and started again.

  I finally got Alex onto the couch and held her body against mine, telling her the story of my failed marriage. It was all I could do to keep myself in check, so she wouldn’t feel my hardness pressed against her as I talked.

  When she told me how much she had been thinking of me, I wasn’t able to reply. I held back until she asked my response, but by then I could only kiss her, speech was lost to me and emotion took over.

  Alex

  After the grand tour of his house, Ryder and I settled into the spacious living room. The view was stunning and I stood looking out the window with a glass of wine in my hand while Ryder started a fire to take the late spring chill out of the air.

  “How long have you lived here?” I asked and watched him from behind, appreciating the way his body moved as he struck the match for the fireplace.

  “I guess about six months, I’ve been building the house for much longer,” he replied without turning around.

  “You built it? As in actually picked up a hammer and built it?” I asked, incredulous of his talent.

  “Well, not all of it, but I had a lot to do with pretty much everything here,” he said, his voice full of pride.

  “Well, I’m impressed Ryder, it’s an impressive house! Did you come up with the design on your own? Like, the decorations and what not?” I looked around the room and silently wondered what Brittany had chosen and what was all Ryder.

  “If you’re asking about Brittany, Alex, just come out and say it,” he said, turning to smile at me with a smug grin.

  “I wasn’t hinting, I was just curious. But hey, you brought it up... did she help you bring everything together?” I tried not to let jealousy creep into my voice now that he had me out in the open.

  “I think I need to talk to you about Brittany,” he said. “I’m sure you have a lot of questions and have heard a lot of different things.”

  I nodded in reply; he stood and led me over to a stylish leather sofa in front of the floor to ceiling fieldstone fireplace. The fire was crackling now and the glow of the flames cast a golden hue on us both. Ryder sat down next to me and pulled me into his arms. I melted against his warm, muscled body like no time had passed, like we were always meant to be together.

  “As you know I married Brittany a couple of years ago. It seemed like a good idea at that time,” he said with an ironic laugh. “I was hurting Alex, but dammit, I was tired of being alone. I wanted to find somebody to build a life with. I was tired of wishing for you, for wanting a ghost.”

  I winced at his words, sighed deeply and settled myself deeper against his body, his arms fully encircling me now. “I’m so sorry Ryder, I really am,” I whispered softly, not able to speak up for fear I would lose my self-control and start weeping.

  “It’s okay, it really is. I was just letting you know where my head was at, why I would choose somebody like her. She’s a really great person Alex, she’s just a little messed up. Her Dad was pretty harsh on her growing up, and it left a big hole in her heart,” he told me. I tried not to let my mean side out and kept my mouth shut. In my mind I rolled my eyes though, I just couldn’t help it.

  “Brittany was in a pretty low place when we met up again. I know she always drove you crazy, and I know part of her only wanted me because you had me, but she was there for me when nobody else was. She can be a kind and generous woman when her head’s on straight,” he said and my heart clenched at the thought of Ryder settling for my former enemy. I’d done it to myself though; I’d done it to him.

  “When I asked her to marry me I knew in my heart that it was a mistake, that I would never love her like I should, but it was the only option I had. I wanted a family and I wanted a partner,” he said, his voice deep and thick with emotion. I could feel it vibrate against me through his chest, soothing my jealousy as he shared the most intimate part of his life. “After the wedding, things were great. I already had the practice set up and was kept busy with that and the ranch. Brittany was happy to stay at home and run things on our little place. We talked about this house together, but every time I wanted to work on it, she had an excuse not to come along. I think she felt like if we moved in here, things would get real, that she was mine forever, and part of her knew we weren't meant to be.”

  I adjusted myself in his arms, cuddling down lower, feeling the safety of his embrace, the warmth of his breath on the back of my neck. I closed my eyes and listened to his deep, rumbling voice as he spoke.

  “About six months after the wedding Brittany decided she needed a job, she ended up bartending in a place with a rough crowd. She seemed to thrive on their acceptance, and I could feel her growing away from me. The final straw was over a year ago, I asked her to go over the final plans for the yard with me, and she bolted. She grabbed her keys and headed out the door. I knew then that she had somebody else, somebody she was running to.”

  I could feel the full weight of his hurt and guilt flow through me. I’d run from him and put him in that place to begin with.

  “When she came to me with her pregnancy, I knew from the get go that the baby wasn’t mine. We hadn’t been together since the first couple of months after the wedding, but I guess the baby’s daddy had taken off when he found out, and I was her only hope. I let her tell everyone about ‘our’ baby, I even got excited about him during the last few weeks she was pregnant. I felt him kicking, I saw her belly swell, and I could see how much love and joy it brought my parents. Brittany and I grew close again, although we weren’t physical.” Ryder drew in a long breath and I braced myself for what would come, the worst part of his story.

  “After he was born, I loved him with all my heart. I allowed her to name him after me, and I felt like we were going to be okay. He looked nothing like me though, and my parents had heard things around town, they demanded a paternity test. Of course it came back that I was not the father, and they were crushed. They tried to love him, but they’re a little old school, they just couldn’t see him as their grandson no matter how hard they tried. When he was three months old, Brittany came to me with papers. I didn’t know it then, but she had never put my name on the birth certificate, so I had no say in this... but she had decided to give him up for adoption.”

  I jerked in his
arms, expecting a story about his death.

  “I’m sure you’ve heard the story about his death, but that never happened. He’s happy and healthy and living with a couple in San Diego. Brittany just couldn’t do it; she’s not a mom Alex. She chose a life of freedom and parties over being there for her child, but I guess in her own way, she knew what would be best for him. This happened just a short while ago, before I moved in here. So in answer to your question, Brittany had nothing to do with this, she never lived here with me.”

  I turned around in his arms and looked him in the eyes. I could see the hurt there, from everything he had gone through, but I could also see the hope as he held me in his arms.

  “I’m sorry you ever had to go through that Ryder, I truly am. I wished nothing but the best for you after I left, and I’ve spent every day since regretting my choice. I can see now just how wrong I was to ever leave you, do you think you could ever forgive me and love me again?” There, I said it, I had admitted it, I let myself open up to him and now I waited for his reaction.

  A long minute went by and his eyes were unreadable, I could see a muscle in his jaw twitching and I was terrified he would be angry at my admission. I finally couldn’t stand it anymore so I cupped my hands on either side of his face, stared at him intently and said, “Well?”

  His answer was to pull me closer and gently kiss my mouth. The moment our lips met, I felt the tension leave his body and mine followed.

  I wrapped my arms around him and fell into his embrace, the heat from the fire making me question whether this was a fever or a dream.

  He nibbled my lower lip and slid his tongue inside my mouth, finding mine waiting and wanting to reply. His swirled around mine, and I felt the center of myself grow warmer and wetter with each passing moment.

  I pressed myself against his hard body and sank into the sensation. It had been too long indeed; I realized I hadn't been kissed like this since the last time I was in Ryder’s arms.